Saturday, January 16, 2010

The Wandering Jew . . . Again

Why is it that some people can come across a belief system or philosophy and feel so totally at home there that they don't feel the need to engage in spiritual seeking outside that framework? This is not to say that I think that they stagnate but rather that they delve only further into their chosen path and do not look beyond to other belief systems either to the similarities or just in an analytical sort of way. This assumes that one examines their spiritual beliefs and grows within their spirituality or religion (which are not necessarily the same thing) at all which I know many people do not. Frankly, I can't wrap my head around that one as I have always been insatiably curious and perhaps a bit discontent with religion and where I happened to be in my spiritual journey and spirituality has been so very important to me.

Life lately hasn't permitted too much time or energy to contemplate or engage in spiritual matters with myself being physically and emotionally exhausted, the husband being in and out of the hospital and fall and subsequently winter, which blessedly has been mild thus far, being upon us. Then there's been the 2 equines that beamed down this fall and Dad to take care of and all the other things that life can throw at you to deal with. I have developed a close friendship with a very Christian woman though over the last few months and it is quite an experience. It's nice to find somebody who is just as spiritually engaged as I am but the avenues she has for expressing that spirituality and the grounding she gets from it leaves me a bit envious. Between one thing and another it hasn't been possible for the husband and I to get to synagogue services or for me to make it to the gatherings of the Goddess based women's group around here and I'm finding that I'm feeling ungrounded and somewhat adrift. Judaism puts so much emphasis on the communal structure that there isn't really anything out there for the essentially solitary Jew and as much as so much of the magical community is made up of solitaries and there are resources out there to deal with that they don't seem to give me what I need to feel part of the community. It's like I'm still wandering, trying to find my ideal spiritual home. Perhaps this is why my 2 favorite magical tools are my staff and my cloak.

It seems strange to think that it's been almost 20 yrs since I realized I'm not Christian and found myself wandering over the spiritual landscape of Judaism. One of the things I have always loved about Judaism is it's breadth which is why I don't feel like I'm betraying it as I turn to more nature based and Goddess orientated ways of worship. Conventional it's not but perhaps I am just the type of person who will find times and places to spiritually rest but at heart is always a spiritual Seeker.